I thought nobody wanted to hear what I had to say
Inspiring Stories Live
If you'd told me years ago that one day I'd genuinely love public speaking, I don't think I would have believed you.
When I was five, in my first few weeks of primary school, my teacher put Sellotape across my mouth because I was talking too much.
I'm sure to her it was probably a fairly insignificant moment. A quick way of getting the chatty kid in the class to shut up!
But I think five-year-old me took something very different from it:
Nobody wants to hear what I have to say.
I obviously didn't consciously decide to believe that. But that's the thing about beliefs. We pick them up from our experiences, the people around us and the meaning we give things, often when we're far too young to question whether they're actually true.
And that belief stayed with me…..for a very long time.
I remember in my 20’s/30’s/40’s being with groups of friends and happily talking, but if everyone suddenly went quiet and all eyes were on me, I'd go bright red. I hated being the centre of attention.
So public speaking was definitely not something I ever imagined I'd end up loving.
Then I trained as a coach
As part of my coaching training, I had to speak in front of people.
I remember standing in a room in London in front of around 20 people and having to give a five-minute talk.
It was horrendous.
I was hot. Sweating. My knees were shaking. I felt embarrassed, angry, boiling hot and genuinely thought I might be sick on the floor.
But I did it. I pushed through the fear. That first time felt horrendous, but something in me was drawn to public speaking. I definitly had a love/hate relationship with it.
Over time, through coaching, therapy and doing a lot of work on my own beliefs, something started to change.
I even remember one particular coaching session where, metaphorically, we peeled that piece of Sellotape from my mouth.
It sounds like such a simple thing, but for me it represented finally giving myself permission to have a voice.
The beliefs we carry aren't necessarily the truth
That's probably one of the biggest things I've learnt through this work. We all have beliefs about ourselves.
I'm not confident.
I'm not the sort of person who does that.
I'm too old.
I'm not good enough.
People aren't interested in what I have to say.
I couldn't possibly do that.
But where did they come from? And are they actually true?
Because my belief that nobody wanted to hear what I had to say certainly wasn't.
Somewhere along the way, I discovered I love speaking
I've now spoken at events, workshops and retreats, and something quite unexpected has happened.
I absolutely love it.
Of course I can still get that split second of nerves when I look out at a room full of people. But once I start talking, it goes.
I feel relaxed. I feel completely in it. When I finish, I'm buzzing. The highest high!
I want to do it again. (I NEVER thought I’d ever say that!)
There's something quite incredible about standing on the other side of something you once believed you couldn't do….On the other side of fear is freedom.
It makes me wonder what would have happened if I'd accepted the story I'd been telling myself for all those years….No one wants to hear what I have to say.
What are you telling yourself you can't do?
Is there something you feel strangely drawn towards but keep talking yourself out of?
Something you'd love to do if only you were more confident, younger, braver, more qualified, less worried about what people thought?
I'm not suggesting that everything we're frightened of is automatically our calling.
But I do think it's worth getting curious about the things we keep coming back to.
I do believe that sometimes the fear isn't telling us don't go there. Sometimes it's simply showing us that going there matters.
And that's something I've become increasingly interested in through my work with women.
We go through so many different stages of life and take on so many roles: partner, mother, daughter, carer, professional, business owner, the person who keeps everything going.
And somewhere amongst all of that, we can get lost, and it can become difficult to hear our own voice.
What do I actually want now?
What am I drawn towards?
And what's stopping me?
I'm currently creating something new around exactly this.
It's called The Second Self.
It will bring together the work I already use through coaching, EFT, NLP and guided reflection to help women reconnect with themselves, get clearer about what they want from this stage of their lives and start looking at the beliefs and fears that may be keeping them stuck.
It's still taking shape, so I'm not going to tell you too much yet.
But watch this space.
Because if you'd told that little five-year-old girl with Sellotape across her mouth that one day she'd be standing in rooms full of people, microphone in hand, thinking when can I do this again?...
I think she'd be pretty surprised.
Alice x
“Alice was invited to share her personal story at Inspiring Stories Live.
Alice is such a captivating and authentic speaker. She shares straight from the heart, and through her use of language and real-life examples, the audience were transported by her delivery. She really enabled them to go on the journey with her.
Alice is a powerful and inspiring speaker. She holds the space, and those in the room, confidently and with ease. Those listening cannot fail to be moved, but they also walk away with practical tips and strategies they can easily implement in their own lives.”
